You can find love at 40, 50 or even later!
When my clients tell me that they wonder if there is anyone out there for them, I understand. I used to feel the same way.
I separated from my partner of 17 years several months before my 45th birthday. It had always been a difficult relationship. One that had been unraveling for a decade. Still, I had managed to convince myself that I loved him and that I wanted to stay with him. Looking back with the greater clarity of time, I realize that I stayed with my partner because I wasn’t willing to face my fears of being single again, especially now that I was “old”. I hadn’t enjoyed dating the first time and so rather than face it a second time, I chose to grow progressively unhappier with each passing year.
I was lucky. It was my partner who finally had the strength to end our shared unhappiness. Devastated at the time, I am now grateful every day that he had the clarity to do what I could not.
I spent a year bouncing from here to there, staying with friends and crying a lot. At the end of that year, work brought me to Dallas. There a friend in her late 20’s convinced me that I was not the old bat that I thought I was and, that I should try online dating. I was hesitant but curious and hopeful. There were so many men, surely there was one for me.
I soon learned the grim realities of online dating. There were dates with men who never stopped talking about themselves, with men bitter and broken from their divorces and men who disappeared after a seemingly pleasant date.
It seemed, based on their stories, that my younger friends had a better pool of men. Friends my age? Well, they were mostly married. They would listen to my stories and me how grateful they were that they weren’t in my shoes. If you’ve ever had someone say that to you, you know just how bad that feels.
Still, I was determined to find love once before I died!
Two things kept me going. First, there was my stunning dental hygienist Bianca. Bianca went on over 150 dates over 10 years (she kept track.) She kept going and eventually, in her late 40’s she finally found the perfect guy! They got married and she still gushes about her husband 5 years later.
The second thing that kept me going was my career. I work in direct marketing and in direct marketing you have to send about 100 pieces of mail to get a response. So I focused on getting to a hundred dates.
I never got there. Just as I was starting to lose hope, I met my partner Erik. We have been together for 2 years and are planning a wedding this spring
My experience, while ultimately successful, was also painful and deeply discouraging for years. Once I realized that dating didn’t have to be awful, I knew that I wanted to help women develop the skills that they need to keep going to all the way to their Mr. Right. If you are a woman who has given up because you just can’t go on one more date, don’t despair! Your Mr. Right is out there and every date brings you one step closer!
Do you have a story about finding love over 40? Please share it!